


well, time can heal (but this won’t)

by someoneyouloved



Series: somebody to have, somebody to hold [1]
Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Heretic!Josie, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, They love each other so much, Tribrid!Hope, alaric’s an asshole in this btw, basically the most angsty thing i’ve ever written, blood!sharing and road trips and angst galore!, but it’s necessary for the plot, but there’s a lot of hosie so i hope y’all can forgive me, but they’re both idiots sooo, but what’s new lmao, dark!hosie is coming (eventually), discussions of mental health, fair warning lizzie dies, hope helps josie through her transition, hope will gladly give her one, i’m sorry!, josie learns it’s okay to ask for help, josie saltzman needs a hug, post legacies season two, she’s still here though!, the twins merge and shit goes down, they will be happy eventually i promise, tvd season four but make it hosie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23592148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someoneyouloved/pseuds/someoneyouloved
Summary: When Josie’s attempt to find a loophole to the Merge ends with her transitioning into a heretic and her sister dead, she finds herself turning to the one person who might be able to understand her grief. As Hope helps her through her transition, the two of them begin to grow closer, and they start to realize there may be more than friendship between them. But when a new vampire hunter arrives in Mystic Halls and sets her sights on the Salvatore School, Josie struggles to contain her magic and her bloodlust. And if she loses control, she might just take Hope down with her.ORLoopholes don’t always work, and Josie learns that it’s okay to ask for help.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Lizzie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Josie Saltzman & Lizzie Saltzman
Series: somebody to have, somebody to hold [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698202
Comments: 27
Kudos: 129





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello loves!! welcome to my new hosie fic! i promise an update for my season two rewrite is coming soon, but i’m so excited for this and can’t wait to share it with all of you. basically, i’ve always wanted to write a fic where hope helps josie transition into a heretic/vampire and this is it. i borrowed a lot of tropes and plot lines from season four of tvd, and also tried to write hope a little darker because i love her that way. hope you enjoy! please comment/leave kudos if you do :)

_The wind was howling in Hope’s ears, but the chill she felt as it lashed against her skin was nothing compared to the dread that settled in her stomach as she watched the two figures standing in the center of the clearing join hands._

_Whatever Gemini Coven magic powered the Merge, it’s accuracy was unnerving. The clock had struck midnight on March fifteenth, the day of the twin’s twenty-second birthday, and Josie and Lizzie had both felt the pull of the magic in their blood, forcing them to Merge. So, Hope and Alaric had followed the twins into the woods outside of the school, and waited for the lunar eclipse that would act as the celestial event needed to activate the Merge._

_The clearing was illuminated by the faint reddish-glow cast by the blood moon hovering above them, reduced to a sliver of light in a sky void of stars. In the distance, the lights of the Salvatore School shone through the trees._

_After the past five years, Hope had thought she’d come to terms with the reality of the Merge. But she hadn’t truly understood what it meant until this moment. After all of the time they’d spent trying to find a solution, the months of pouring over ancient gri_ moires _with Josie, the countless calls to Freya in New Orleans... it was all for nothing. Despite their best efforts, the Merge was happening, and one of the twins was going to die._

_Unless Josie’s plan worked, and they both managed to survive this._

_“It’s time,” Josie said, her voice cutting through the howling wind, an echo of the words she’d spoken into the quiet of the twin’s bedroom as the clock struck twelve._

_Alaric flinched, but he didn’t move from her side, entirely focused on his daughters. He hadn’t spoken since they’d left the school, and Hope would have no idea what to say to him even if he had._

_She’d failed him. She’d failed all of them._

_“No,” Lizzie said, her voice trembling along with her body, and Hope got the sense that Josie’s grip on her hands was the only thing keeping her standing. “No, I’m not going to do this. “We’re not doing this, it’s—“_

_“We don’t have a choice,” Josie said, interrupting her sister before she could finish, though Hope heard the tremor in her own voice. This wasn’t any easier for her, but she didn’t want Lizzie to know she was scared. “The curse will make us merge one way or another, at least this way there’s a chance—“_

_“A chance for what?” Lizzie demanded, her hair whipping in the wind. “One of us will die, Josie, how is that—“_

_“Trust me,” Josie said, her gaze not leaving Lizzie’s as she slid the knife across her palm. “Please, Lizzie. Trust me to get us through this.”_

_Lizzie hesitated, shaking her head, scanning the clearing for a solution that wasn’t coming. And that’s when her gaze found Hope._

_Hope had known Lizzie for over a decade, and yet she’d never seen that look in her eyes. She was terrified, and desperate, and she needed Hope to fix it, fix_ this _, like she always did._

_For a moment, Hope was reminded of the Triad invasion six years ago, when Lizzie had taken her hand and told her to stop feeling sorry for herself and save all of their asses._

_But Hope wasn’t the hero Lizzie had made her out to be. She never had been, despite what she’d let everyone believe. All she’d ever wanted was to protect the people she cared about, and she’d failed._

_She couldn’t stop this._

_Lizzie saw the shame and pain in her eyes, and Hope knew that she understood. The edges of her mouth lifted, the ghost of a smile, but Hope refused to acknowledge it as she turned back to Josie and eased the knife from her sister’s hands, wincing as she cut into her palm._

_“I love you,” Lizzie said, choking back tears, the knife falling to the ground as they joined hands._

_“I love you, too,” Josie said, and Hope flinched at the pain in her voice, the smile that she forced onto her face._

_Then, as if the words had been hovering on the tips of their tongues, waiting to be released, the twins began to chant._

Sanguinem desimilus. Sanguinem generis fiantus!

_Alaric was shaking, and Hope knew that every bone in his body was straining to move, to run across the clearing and separate his daughters before he lost one of them forever._

_Hope should be screaming, or sobbing, but she just felt numb. She knew what was about to happen._

_So, when Lizzie faltered in her chanting, when her eyes snapped open and she stared at her sister in horror, Hope wasn’t even surprised._

_“Josie!” Lizzie screamed, struggling to break her sister’s iron grip. “Josie, what are you doing? Fight back!”_

_Josie opened her eyes slowly, and Hope flinched when she saw that they were entirely white. “I told you to trust me. This is the only way, Lizzie.”_

We both know who will walk out of that clearing tomorrow, Hope. And it won’t be me.

_Hope had known all along that if it got to this point, Josie wouldn’t allow her sister to die so that she could live. It wasn’t in her nature, even though her time under the influence of black magic had proved she would be the victor of the merge if she tried._

_But that was the point; Josie wasn’t trying. She was allowing Lizzie to siphon all of her magic, to drain her until there was nothing left._

_Lizzie was still screaming at Josie, and out of the corner of her eye Hope saw Alaric turn away, unable to watch, but she couldn’t bring herself to do the same._

_Not as the twins stopped chanting, the silence sudden and unnerving, and they both fell to the ground._

_Alaric surged forward, lifting Josie’s limp form into his arms, his hands shaking as he felt for a pulse. Hope already knew that he wouldn’t find one, her enhanced senses only able to detect Lizzie’s faint heartbeat. She’d braced herself for it, prepared for that loss as best she could, but the silence where Josie’s heart used to beat was still unbearable._

_“Did you know?” He growled, turning to her, his face stained with tears. “Did you know what Josie was going to do?”_

_“Yes,” Hope admitted, struggling to speak past the tightness in her chest. “But—“_

_“How could you let her do that?” Alaric snapped, and even though she knew he wasn’t truly angry with her, the words still stung._

_“You don’t understand. If you’d just let me explain—“_

_But she didn’t have to, because Josie chose that moment to open her eyes, gasping for air as she jerked awake._

_Alaric was at her side in an instant, but Hope barely registered his movements, or the pain in his voice as he clutched Josie to his chest. Not as her own relief almost sent her to her knees, the sound of Josie’s heartbeat drowning out everything else._

_It was enough of a distraction that it took Hope a moment to realize that something was wrong._

_Because Josie was alive, and Lizzie..._

_Lizzie was still lying on the ground, the heartbeat Hope had clung to suddenly absent, and she wasn’t breathing._

_“No,” Josie whispered, her voice a dull, hoarse rasp as she noticed her sister’s lifeless form. “No, no, no—“_

_She was screaming now, breaking Alaric’s grip on her as she flung herself onto the ground at her sister’s side, her hands finding Lizzie’s and clutching them to her chest, as if she could forcibly keep her soul in her body._

_“This isn’t right,” she sobbed, trembling as she stared at Lizzie’s pale face. “It was supposed to be me, I gave her everything I— I died, I don’t understand—“_

_“Josie,” Hope said, unable to resist the urge to comfort her, even though her limbs were still refusing to work. “It’s okay—“_

_The lie was heavy on her tongue, because_ nothing _about this was okay, but Josie interrupted her before she could finish._

 _“What happened?” She growled, whipping her head around to glare at Hope. “What did you_ do _?”_

_“I didn’t do anything, I—“_

_“What is she talking about?” Alaric demanded, his face twisted with anguish as Josie began to sob, resting her head on Lizzie’s chest._

_“I gave her my blood,” Hope told him, struggling to speak as her body went numb. “She gave all of her magic to Lizzie, and when she died my blood it... it brought her back. But I don’t understand. Lizzie won the merge, she should be here. Unless—“_

_“Unless what?” Alaric asked, even as he took in Josie huddled over her sister’s body, and realized what Hope was trying to tell him._

_“The loophole didn’t work,” Hope murmured, flinching at her own words, at the horrible reality that she was coming to terms with as Lizzie remained limp and unmoving on the ground._

_“Which means that Josie’s not just a vampire in transition. She’s a heretic.”_

_✵ ✵ ✵_

When Josie woke up, her first coherent thought was that it was _too fucking loud._

The birds chirping in the trees outside her window, the creaking of the floorboards, the distant chatter of the students in the hallway... it was as if each of those sounds had been magnified, a terrible chorus of noise that made it impossible to think of anything else.

It was overwhelming enough that she jerked upright, her breath coming in panicked gasps as she tried to piece together how she’d gotten back to her room, to her bed. And why everything was so damn loud.

“Hey,” said a voice, soft and reassuring, though even in her confused state Josie heard the concern behind it, as well as the relief. “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

She turned her head, and that’s when she saw who was sitting beside her.

Hope.

She must have said her name, because Hope nodded. Josie knew that she should say something, voice one of the countless questions whirling around in her brain, but it was still difficult to breathe, to _think_ , past the pounding in her head.

“Hey,” Hope murmured, and she raised an arm before letting it fall again, as if she’d wanted to take Josie’s hand but had thought better of it. “It’s me, I’m right here.”

When she didn’t respond, Hope’s brow furrowed, and Josie could tell she was worried even if she was trying to hide it. “How are you feeling? You’ve been in and out of it for hours.”

“What happened?” Josie asked, choking on the words as she fisted her hands in the sheets.

In the back of her mind, she thought she knew. But it was as if the events that had taken place in that clearing had happened to someone else, like it was a bad dream.

“How much do you remember?” Hope asked, and Josie didn’t miss the wariness in her voice, or how she was pointedly avoiding her gaze.

“We were in the clearing,” Josie murmured, her brain easing the pieces of her memory together, even as a part of her screamed at it to stop. “And I felt my magic being drained, and then everything went... dark. And I thought, I thought that I—“

_I thought that I died._

She looked at Hope then, unable to voice that thought, but when she saw the anguish on her face she knew she didn’t have to.

“It worked,” she whispered, her shock overriding all of the other emotions that tried to rise to the surface at the realization. “I died with your blood in my system, which means—“

Her voice had started to shake, and it was hard to breathe again, so Hope finished it for her. “It means that you’re in transition,” she said, and Josie pretended not to notice that her hands were shaking. “And that if you don’t feed, you’ll die. For real, this time.”

Hope’s voice cracked on the end of that sentence, but Josie couldn’t bring herself to care. She didn’t care that she was in transition, couldn’t contemplate her potentially immortal existence, not when she realized what this meant.

“It worked,” she repeated, though the words were followed by a rush of relief this time. “And that means Lizzie— oh, god _Lizzie_. Where is she? Is she okay? She’s going to be furious with me, I have to—“

The words caught in her throat when she saw the expression on Hope’s face, when she realized that Lizzie would have insisted on being there when Josie woke up if she could have. Which meant that she was hurt, or sleeping off the effects of the Merge somewhere else.

“What is it?” Josie demanded, forcing herself to remain calm, to not assume the worse. “Is she okay? Is she hurt?”

“Josie—“ Hope said, her attention fixed on the closed door as if she was waiting for someone. “When you and Lizzie merged, she took all of that power into herself, and you died. But when you woke up, she—“

“Just tell me, Hope,” she snapped, her irritation spiking. If she’d hurt Lizzie, if something had happened to her—

“The loophole didn’t work,” Hope murmured, and shame lingered in her eyes as she met Josie’s gaze. “And Lizzie... she didn’t survive it.“

“You mean that she didn’t get to keep the magic, right?” Josie asked, shaking her head as she felt her nails dig into the skin of her palms. “Because that’s fine, that’s—“

“Josie,” Hope whispered, and Josie found that she hated it, how gentle her voice was. “Lizzie’s dead.”

No. No, that wasn’t right. She’d seen Lizzie only hours ago, and she’d been fine. She’d been alive and breathing and she wasn’t dead because... because she _couldn’t_ be. Hope was wrong, or she was lying, or—

She heard Hope say her name, but it was as if her senses had been dulled. Josie faintly recognized that her hands were shaking.

“ _Josie_ ,” Hope said, and the primal command in her voice cut through the layer of fog surrounding her thoughts. “I need you to breathe for me, okay? Can you do that?”

Josie must have nodded, because Hope sighed, and that’s when she noticed the dried tears on her cheeks. She’d been crying.

And that, more than anything, broke the spell of denial that had fallen over Josie. The pain lining Hope’s face, the slump of her shoulders, her red-rimmed eyes.

_Lizzie was dead. Dead. Dead. Dead._

Those two words didn’t belong together, she decided. Lizzie, who’d always been so expressive and vibrant and full of _life_ , couldn’t be dead. Because Josie still needed her. She needed her to plan their birthday parties and force her into making stupid decisions, to be a bridesmaid at her wedding and to wake her up at four in the morning to brag about the cute boy she’d hooked up with at the bar.

“You’re lying,” she said, but even she heard that the conviction was absent from her voice. “Hope, tell me you’re lying.”

She was begging now, she knew that. Hope wouldn’t lie to her, not about this. Which meant...

Which meant it was true.

Hope shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes as she tried to take Josie’s hand. Josie balked at the contact, at the warmth of Hope’s fingers against her skin.

“I was ready to die,” Josie murmured, barely loud enough to be heard by human ears, but Hope must have because she _flinched_. “I did _die_. I should have stayed that way.”

“Josie, don’t say that,” Hope whispered, retracting her outstretched hand as if she’d been burned.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” Josie said, her voice sounding distant even to her own ears as she stared at Lizzie’s empty bed, the water glass on her nightstand.

Hope moved then, perching on the edge of the bed as she pulled Josie into her arms. Josie froze, trembling as she tried to resist that awful pressure in her chest, the burning in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Jo,” Hope said, her voice thick with emotion as she tightened her grip on Josie, as if she knew that she’d try to pull away.

With those four words, the final barrier holding Josie’s grief at bay cracked. She pressed her face into Hope’s shoulder, and as she started to sob, there was only one thought in her head.

_It should have been me._

✵ ✵ ✵

Hope stepped into the hallway and shut the door to Josie’s bedroom behind her, loosing the breath that she’d been holding since Josie had first opened her eyes.

_She was alive._

She was grieving, and in transition, but Josie was _alive_.

And Lizzie was dead.

Hope hadn’t let herself think about it, knowing that once she acknowledged that Lizzie was truly gone, she’d break down. She needed to be there for Josie right now, and she couldn’t do that if she allowed her own grief to consume her.

Later. She’d think about it later.

Thankfully, a distraction arrived in the form of a very pissed-off Alaric Saltzman.

“What the hell happened?” He demanded, glaring at her. An accusation, not a question. “I told you to come find me as soon as she woke up.”

“Well, I wasn’t just going to leave her there by herself,” Hope snapped, but she checked her tone when she saw Alaric’s anguished expression. “She’s okay. She’s grieving, and overwhelmed, but she’ll feel better once she feeds and completes the transition.”

Alaric flinched, and Hope knew that he was far from pleased about his now-only daughter transitioning into a heretic. As if she had a choice. Josie would feed, or she’d die.

“This isn’t right,” he said, running a shaking hand through his hair. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. And now Lizzie’s—“

He choked on her name, and Hope struggled to keep her own emotions hidden. It was still too soon, too fresh, for them to have this conversation.

“I know,” she said, though she knew her grief paled in comparison to his. “But Josie is still here, Alaric. She’s alive, and she’s still your daughter. You need to be there for her. When she wakes up—“

“You’ll stay away from her,” Alaric said, and Hope almost stepped back when she saw his expression, the pure loathing contorting his features.

“What?” She asked, her voice sounding strained even to her own ears.

“This is your fault,” Alaric growled, staring a Josie’s door as if he could see her through the wood. “You ruined her life.“

Hope was speechless, unable to even craft a rebuttal as the accusation hit her.

_You ruined her life._

“You gave her your blood,” Alaric continued, the words coming faster now, as if he couldn’t bring himself to stop. “You let her believe this insane plan of hers could actually work. You should have said no, Hope. You should have come to me. You should have stopped her—“

He wasn’t done, but Hope couldn’t listen to this anymore. She already blamed herself for this, of course she did, but hearing it from Alaric was like a verbal confirmation of her own worse fears.

“That’s enough,” she snarled, and even Alaric paused at the sound, as if suddenly remembering what she was capable of. “If you think that I don’t blame myself for this, then you’re wrong. I don’t need you to tell me that I failed. Don’t you think that I’ve already had this exact conversation with myself a million times?”

Alaric’s entire body slumped, as if his anger had been the only thing holding him together, but she needed to finish her explanation.

“Josie came to me,” she told him. “And she told me that she was going to let Lizzie win the Merge, that if I wanted her to live, I had to give her my blood. And then, she made me promise not to tell anyone, including you.”

_Why me, Josie? You could have gone to any vampire in the school._

_Because you’re the only person I trust_ _enough to do this. Please, Hope._

That was what had done her in. That goddamn _please_ , because for some reason she was unable to say no to her. She’d seen the determination in Josie’s eyes, and known she was going to go through with it, no matter what Hope did. So, she’d made a choice.

And even now, despite Alaric’s rage, she couldn’t bring herself to regret it.

✵ ✵ ✵

Josie didn’t know how long she stood in front of her dresser, studying her reflection in the mirror.

The strangest part was that it was exactly the same as it had been twenty-four hours ago. She didn’t know what she’d expected, but the apprehension she’d felt before looking into the mirror had vanished, and been replaced with something like disappointment. There were no fangs, no veins underneath her eyes. Considering the grief tearing her apart from the inside out, she felt as if she should bear some visible mark of damage.

Maybe she was just grasping for something that would make all of this seem real.

Even once she’d recovered from the exhaustion that had pulled her under after her emotional breakdown, she’d lied in bed and begged herself to wake up from the nightmare that was now her reality. She’d pinched her skin until it was red, closed her eyes until dizzying spirals spun across the inside of her eyelids, and then she’d given up.

So, she decided to leave the safety of her bedroom, even if it was just for a snack.

She was slower than usual getting dressed, still recovering from the shock to her system, and it didn’t help that her head was _pounding_. Someone had shut the curtains in her room, which was a reprieve, but the light that managed to slip through the cracks felt like daggers stabbing her brain into oblivion.

A symptom, she knew, of a vampire in transition. Increased sensitivity to sunlight.

It still didn’t feel real. She’d tried to mentally prepare herself for it, when she’d thought her becoming a vampire was the solution to everything.

Denial was no use, she knew it in her bones. She was in transition.

If the pounding headache and aversion to sunlight weren’t enough evidence, the aching in her gums proved it. And yet, each of those uncomfortable sensations were dull in comparison to the hole in her chest where her sister used to be.

Josie realized she was still wearing her clothes from the day before, though someone had removed her jacket and shoes and set them by the door. She opened the top dresser drawer, grabbing a pair of grey sweatpants and a hoodie of Lizzie’s with the Salvatore Logo on it.

It still smelled like her, jasmine and lemongrass and that fancy perfume she’d bought in Paris when they’d visited their mom for Christmas. Josie allowed herself to stand there, breathing it in with her nose pressed to the fabric, until the light behind the blinds began to fade.

The skin around her eyes was red and puffy, but she didn’t bother to hide it. Her sister had just died, people would expect her to be crying. It was normal.

Even if nothing else was.

✵ ✵ ✵

When Josie went downstairs, she avoided the stares of the kids she passed in the hallway, and decided to escape to the kitchens for a little peace and quiet.

She was hungry, and while she knew it wasn’t what she was truly craving, she thought a snack might tie her over for a little while. Most of the students were still in class, so it should be empty. Josie didn’t know if she could survive any more prying, or pity.

But when she got to the kitchen, it wasn’t empty.

Hope stood at the counter, and when she saw Josie a smile spread across her face as she said, “Hey, you’re awake!”

Josie hesitated, not sure if she could handle a conversation with Hope right now. But in the end, her hunger overwhelmed her desire to flee, and she entered the kitchen.

But Hope seemed to understand that Josie didn’t want to talk, because she just smiled at her again, nudging a plate towards her. “I thought you might be hungry, so I made you a sandwich. No meat, just how you like it.”

Josie tried to smile at her, but even she knew it was an empty gesture. She stepped towards the counter, far too aware of the floorboards that creaked beneath her feet, and she was relieved that the curtains had been closed to block out the evening sun. Hope’s doing, no doubt.

Josie studied the sandwich Hope had made, ignoring Hope’s own examination of _her_. There was no pity in her expression, though, just concern. And the sandwich looked normal, appetizing.

But when Josie picked it up, a rush of nausea overwhelmed her. Her stomach protested, but she forced herself to take a bite.

It was a mistake. The moment her tongue touched the bread, her tastebuds revolted. It tasted vile, like she was eating garbage. She tried not to let it show on her face, but Hope still noticed. “It’s disgusting, isn’t it?”

Josie shook her head, even as she had to force the food down her throat. “No, no it’s—“

“It’s disgusting,” Hope said, her gaze knowing. “You don’t have to lie, Jo. It’s okay.”

“Yeah, it’s bad,” Josie admitted, lowering the sandwich to the plate and pushing it away from her.

Hope frowned, and Josie wanted more than anything to erase the look of worry from her face. She hated this. Everyone acting as if she was the victim; she didn’t deserve it. This had been her idea, and now she was paying the price for it.

She couldn’t stop thinking about it. Blood. She’d known vampires her entire life, had listened to them describe the uncontrollable hunger they struggled with, but she’d never imagine it would be like this. It had been a struggle to pass the students in the hallway without thinking about tearing into their necks, and even now she could sense Hope’s blood running through her veins, calling to her, urging her to feed.

“I can’t—“ she choked on the words, and it was only Hope’s nod of encouragement that allowed her to voice the thought. “I can’t stop thinking about blood.”

Hope sighed, shaking her head. “I’m so sorry, Jo,” she said, biting her lip. “This is all my fault. You shouldn’t have to go through this, I should have found a way to save both you _and_ Lizzie. I failed—“

“This isn’t your fault, Hope,” Josie said, interrupting Hope’s self-deprecating monologue. “It’s mine.”

“Josie—“ Hope started, ready to argue, but Josie didn’t let her.

“No, Hope, listen to me,” she said, the volume of her voice rising. “I practically forced you to give me your blood. If anything, I should be apologizing to you.”

“Your dad thinks I ruined your life,” Hope said, the words rushing from her lips as if she needed to get them off of her chest before she lost her nerve.

Alaric had likely said those words in the heat of the moment, driven by anger and grief, but even then... he knew how Hope was, knew about her past, and he had still blamed her for something that had been _Josie’s_ decision.

Josie moved around the counter, and Hope lifted her head when she took her hand. “Hope, you did the right thing,” she told her, guilt flooding her when she saw the pain in Hope’s eyes. “You did what you always do. You respected my choice, you trusted me. I forced you to do this, I—“

All of a sudden, the emotions coursing through her were overwhelming. The anger, the guilt, and underneath all of it that _hunger_.

“God, I’m so stupid,” she said, her hand slipping from Hope’s as she ran her fingers through her hair. “I never should have done this, it was a mistake. And I can’t stop thinking about _blood_ , god—“

“That’s perfectly normal, Josie—“

“ _Nothing_ about this is normal, Hope,” Josie snapped, even as a part of her hated herself for lashing out at Hope when she was just trying to help. “My dad is spiraling, I’m transitioning into a vampire, and Lizzie—“

_Lizzie’s dead._

She couldn’t bring herself to speak those words aloud, not yet. A sob tore from her chest, and she buried her face in her hands, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

Distantly, she was aware of Hope’s voice asking if she was okay, the hand she placed on Josie’s shoulder. Everything was trapped in a sort of haze, though, and it wasn’t until Hope wrapped her arms around her that Josie’s head cleared.

Hope was warm, a comforting, steady heat that thawed the ice in Josie’s bones. Without thinking, Josie buried her head in Hope’s shoulder, her cheek brushing against the thick wool of her sweater. She mumbled an apology for getting it wet, but Hope said it didn’t matter, her fingers tracing a soothing pattern onto Josie’s back through her sweatshirt.

When Josie had pulled herself together enough to speak, she pulled back, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “God, I’m such a mess.”

“Your emotions are heightened,” Hope reminded her, and Josie realized how close they were standing as she reached out and ran her hand along Josie’s arm in a soothing gesture. “You’ll feel better once you feed.”

She imagined it. The blood coating her throat, the rush of energy. An eternity waiting for her. And then the world went cold again when she realized it meant an eternity without her sister.

“I’m not going to do that.”

Hope’s brow furrowed, as if she didn’t understand. “Josie, you don’t mean that. You’re just grieving, it’s—“

“Yes, I do,” Josie said, her voice firm. “I can’t do this, Hope. I can’t live like this.”

A tremor went through her body, and Josie fought to keep herself steady as she said, “So, do me a favor, Hope and just let me die.”

Hope’s gaze shuttered, and then it went dark. Josie ignored her pained expression; she didn’t want her pity.

Silence followed her outburst, and Hope opened her mouth to say something, but Josie didn’t give her the chance as she turned and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Hope standing at the counter.

✵ ✵ ✵

When Josie arrived at the docks, she could hear the crickets chirping in the grass, the wind rustling in the trees overhead. That was normal.

What wasn’t normal was that she could hear the muffled chatter of the students partying at the mill, the electrical hum of the lights that illuminated the Salvatore School in the distance.

She sat down at the edge of the dock, the water lapping at her sneakers, and slipped a hand into the pocket of her coat.

The surface of the prism was smooth against her skin, it’s quartz panels emitting a soft white light as she set it on the dock beside her. It glowed golden, and then Josie wasn’t alone anymore.

“Hey, Jo,” Lizzie said as she appeared beside her, wearing the same striped jacket Josie had last seen her in, her blonde hair shining silver in the moonlight.

Lizzie grinned at her, the expression painfully familiar. It was the same smile she gave Josie when she told her about the guy she was crushing on, or when they would plan how to sneak out and go to a party without their dad noticing. It tugged at her heartstrings, and Josie knew there were tears in her eyes as she smiled at her sister.

It was almost too easy to pretend she was real, until—

“So, what‘s this about you letting yourself die?”

Josie flinched, shaking her head and staring at her hands. “I’m not—“

“Yes, you are, Jo,” Lizzie said, giving her a _look_. “If you don’t feed, you’ll die. And if you think that I’m going to let—“

“That’s the point!” Josie said, wincing at the sound of her own voice. “You _can’t_ stop me. Lizzie, you’re dead.”

It was the first time she’d admitted it aloud, and Josie felt her heart shatter just a little bit more.

“I know,” Lizzie said, and Josie raised her head at the sincere, gentle tone of her voice. “But that doesn’t mean you have to be.”

“Don’t you get it?” Josie asked, needing Lizzie to understand. “I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to.”

“But _I_ want you to,” Lizzie said, taking Josie’s hand in hers. “I didn’t die in the Merge so that you could throw your life away.”

Josie felt a rush of shame, but she still corrected Lizzie, “My life as a _vampire_.”

“So?” Lizzie asked, shrugging. “MG’s a vampire. He can help you adjust, give you the whole vampire boot camp.“

Josie didn’t miss the way Lizzie’s eyes shuttered when she mentioned MG. She’d been too caught up in her own grief to think about anyone else, but she knew this wasn’t any easier for him. There had always been something unspoken between him and Lizzie.

“And he’s not the only one,” Lizzie continued, and Josie felt that familiar defensiveness when she saw the knowing look in her eyes. “If you think Hope’s going to let you go through this alone, then you haven’t been paying attention.”

“I don’t want—“

Josie started to protest, saying that she didn’t want their help, when Lizzie interrupted her. “Jo, it’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make you weak, or a burden. You taught me that.”

Josie took a long, trembling breath, her grief tight in her chest. She knew Lizzie was right. It was wrong of her to throw her life away, to disregard Lizzie’s sacrifice. Which meant she had to go through with this, even if she was terrified. It was what Lizzie would have done.

“I love you so much,” she whispered, her vision blurring with tears.

“I know,” Lizzie said, smiling at her as she pulled Josie into her arms. “I love you too.”

Josie rested her head on Lizzie’s shoulder, breathed in the familiar scent of jasmine and vanilla, and then she let go.

✵ ✵ ✵

When Josie returned to her room, Hope was sitting on her bed.

At the sight of Josie standing in the doorway, Hope leap to her feet, and Josie didn’t miss her sigh of relief. She wondered how long she’d been waiting for her. “Josie, I—“

“Don’t,” Josie said, because she knew Hope, and she knew what she was about to say. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“I do,” Hope said, taking a step towards her. “I never should have pushed you like that. It’s not my decision, it’s yours, and I—“

“I changed my mind,” Josie blurted, closing the door behind her as she walked towards Hope. “I want to— I’m going to complete the transition.”

She saw the relief that flared to life in Hope’s gaze, but she kept it contained. “Josie, if I pressured you into anything—“

Josie cut her off again, shaking her head. “No, I made this decision myself.”

For some reason, she didn’t want to tell Hope that she’d talked to Lizzie. It still felt too real, too raw. Maybe it always would.

“I want you to do it,” she said, before she could lose her nerve. She hadn’t thought about it until this moment, but now that she’d said it, she knew it was the right decision. She didn’t trust anyone else with this, to be there with her when her fangs came out and to not turn away.

“If that’s okay,” she added, realizing that Hope might not _want_ to do it.

“Josie—“ Hope began, but she stopped, as if collecting herself. “Josie, are you sure?”

Even as she questioned her, Josie saw the eagerness in Hope’s gaze. She wanted to do this, but Josie knew she’d never forgive herself if she came to hate her because she’d forced her into this decision.

Josie nodded, unable to find the right words to voice how she was feeling, and moved to sit on the bed. Slowly, as if waiting for Josie to change her mind, Hope joined her.

Her gaze never left Josie’s as she rolled up the sleeve of her sweater, and Josie forced herself to focus on her eyes instead of the skin of her wrist. Now that her mind knew she was about to feed, the hunger was starting to overwhelm her again.

“Hey,” Hope said, gripping Josie’s arm, as if she noticed that she’d started to slip away. “I promise I will be here for you, no matter what, okay? I’m gonna help you.”

“You don’t have to convince me that everything is gonna be okay, Hope,” Josie said, surprised by how calm she sounded. The panic was gone, and she knew this was the right decision. Maybe it was the bloodlust overpowering her other senses, or maybe it was just that Hope always made her feel safe.

“I know,” Hope sighed, biting her lip. Josie tracked the movement, unable to help herself. “I wish I could, though. I wish I could take it all away. The grief, the... bloodlust. I don’t want that for you, Jo.”

“I know it won’t be easy,” Josie told her, taking a deep breath as she braced herself. “But I have to do this. I owe it to Lizzie, to live for the both of us.”

Hope nodded, and Josie knew that if there was anything she understood, it was feeling responsible for someone else’s death. In that moment, she was just grateful that Hope didn’t argue with her.

Instead, she lifted her wrist to her mouth and bared her teeth, sinking the sharp canines into her own skin. Her eyes flashed gold as her wolf form took control, and they were still glowing when she offered her wrist to Josie, her blood a line of red against her pale skin.

Josie’s hunger roared to life, and she could feel the veins rising to the surface beneath her eyes, the itch in her veins unbearable. She forced herself to resist it for a moment, needing a last moment of clarity.

“We’re gonna get through this, Josie,” Hope said, determined as ever as she looked Josie directly in the eyes. “Just like we’ve gotten through everything else. Together.”

That final word echoed in the space between them, and then Josie sunk her teeth into Hope’s arm and began to feed.

✵ ✵ ✵

The shadows of the forest rose up around her, and in the distance, the twinkling lights of a building in the middle of the woods shone through the trees.

The Salvatore Boarding School.

When she heard someone approach, the hunter slid a hand into the pocket of her leather jacket, and found the first of the two syringes she kept there. One full, one empty.

A boy with pale skin and thick black hair appeared, jogging through the woods, his path illuminated only by the light of the full moon hovering above.

If he’d already turned, he might have been able to sense her waiting for him, but the moon wasn’t at it’s apex yet. Which meant wolves were still human, and vulnerable.

The hunter’s fingers closed around the syringe, and when the boy passed the tree she was crouching behind, she wasted no time before she attacked.

She jammed the syringe into the side of his neck, and before he could retaliate or call for help, she pushed the plunger down.

One shot of pure, undiluted wolfsbane and he was on the ground.

A knee pressed against his back was enough to keep him from escaping as she extracted the second, empty syringe from her pocket.

“Shhh,” she crooned into his ear, her lips inches from the skin of his neck. “I’m not going to kill you, I just need to borrow a little something.”

He went limp beneath her, but she waited a moment before she rolled him over. She crouched down, pulling back the skin of his lip to reveal a set of teeth too sharp to be entirely human, and slid the needle into his gums. As she pulled back the plunger, the werewolf venom filled the syringe. When it was done, she rose to her feet, pocketing it as she turned and left the boy lying in the dirt.

And then, Jade smiled to herself.

This was going to be fun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been three days.
> 
> Three days since Hope had fed Josie her blood, and three days since Josie had last left her room.
> 
> Hope had given her space— she remembered how she’d acted after her parents had died, and she knew she was the last person to tell anyone how to handle grief.
> 
> But enough was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the love on the first chapter of this fic!! sorry for the long break between updates. i do want to clear a few things up though because some people were confused. this fic obviously takes place when the twins are twenty-two, so they do not go to the salvatore school anymore, but in my mind after they graduated lizzie and josie started researching the merge instead of going to college. hope lives in new orleans but she’s spent the past few years helping the twins in mystic falls. i figured since the school is technically their home, the twins still have a room there and that’s where the merge would take place. also, as of now, hope is not a full tribrid because she hasn’t triggered her vampire side. hope that all makes sense! please let me know if you have any other questions and i hope you enjoy this chapter :)

It had been three days.

Three days since Hope had fed Josie her blood, and three days since Josie had last left her room.

She had barely sipped at the blood bags Hope had left outside her room, just enough to keep herself from desiccating. Not that she needed much energy, considering she never left her bed. 

Hope had given her space— she remembered how she’d acted after her parents had died, and she knew she was the last person to tell anyone how to handle grief.

But enough was enough.

When she’d told Alaric her plan, they’d argued about it. It had been a vicious screaming match in his office, one that had only resolved itself once Dorian intervened.

It had started when Hope had suggested that Josie learn to drink human blood. Alaric had always insisted the vamps at the school didn’t feed on humans, but in her opinion, that caused more problems than it solved. What would happen once they entered the real world, and got their first taste of human blood?

That was how problems started. The sooner Josie learned to control her blood lust, the better. 

Alaric had disagreed.

“Absolutely not! You are not giving Josie human blood, end of discussion.”

“But we _haven’t_ discussed it,” Hope said, still trying to keep her temper in check. “That’s the point. I know she’s your daughter, but maybe that’s the problem. I understand that it’s difficult for you to see her like this, but denying it only hurts her more.”

Alaric had looked at Hope with that new expression of loathing he’d adopted just for her. He still blamed her for Josie’s transition, and she allowed him to, but she wouldn’t let him stop her from helping Josie if she needed it. 

“Josie is fine,” he’d insisted, though they both knew it was a lie. “And even if she wasn’t, it’s none of your business, Hope. She’s _my_ daughter, I’ll decide what’s best for her.” 

“You’re not the only one who cares about her,” Hope reminded him, starting to get impatient at his constant refusals. “If you would just let me—“

“Animal blood is a perfectly fine form of sustenance, every vampire in this school drinks it, why should she be any different?”

“And what happens when she’s in class, and some kid gets a nose blood or a paper cut?” Hope had asked, hoping he’d see reason. “Or when she’s kissing someone and she bites too hard and they start bleeding? Do you think it will be any easier for her then? How the hell will she learn to control herself if you shelter her like this?”

“Josie is not a _killer_ ,” Alaric had hissed, glaring at her. “If she hurts somebody, we both know she’ll never forgive herself. She won’t be able to handle it.”

“She won’t,” Hope argued, trying to sound reassuring. “I’ll be with her the whole time, you don’t have to worry—“

“That’s the problem, Hope,” he’d growled, getting in her face, but she didn’t back down. “I don’t trust _you_ with _her_.”

“What happened wasn’t my fault,” Hope had told him, despite her own thoughts on the subject. She might feel guilty, but he didn’t need to know that. “She hasn’t left her room in days, she’s _not_ okay. And I don’t care what you say. Josie needs help, she needs human blood, from the vein—“

“You know what happens if she goes down that road,” Alaric had said, shaking his head. “Every vampire who feeds on humans inevitably kills someone, and then they flip their switch, and go on a rampage! I won’t let that happen to her.”

“That’s _your_ experience,” Hope snapped, rolling her eyes. “Plenty of vampires live normal, balanced lives while feeding on humans. Look at the French Quarter, for example—“

“I am not talking about your _family_ right now,” Alaric had snarled, and Hope had been taken aback by the way he said _family_ , as if it was the most vile thing in the world. “You might have grown up surrounded by bloodthirsty murderers, but that doesn’t mean—“

The tether to Hope’s rage snapped, and the next thing she knew, Alaric was choking on air as she clenched her fist, struggling to form words. 

Dorian burst into the room, and Hope released Alaric, tuning out his attempts to speak to her.

“I’m done listening to you,” she’d said as she turned and left, slamming the door behind her. “I’m doing what’s best for Josie, don’t try to stop me.”

✵ ✵ ✵

“C’mon!” Hope said as she pulled back the curtains, flooding the room with sunlight. “Up and at ‘em, Saltzman!”

Josie flinched away from the light, squinting against the glare, despite the daylight ring on her finger that Hope had made her.

“I’m tired,” she mumbled, burying her face in her pillow. “Go away.”

“Sorry, can’t,” Hope said, beaming at Josie and ignoring her scowl. “You’ve spent three days in here, it’s been long enough! I’m breaking you out.”

“What’s the point?” Josie muttered, rolling over so her back was turned to Hope. “I have an eternity of life to live, I might as well catch up on sleep now.”

Hope didn’t miss the shadows that had entered Josie’s gaze when she’d mentioned that eternity, or how she had purposefully turned away from her. A problem for another day, she told herself. Contemplating her immortal existence could wait; Josie just needed to get out of this room.

“The point is that you’re clearly not okay,” Hope said, and Josie curled into herself even further at the reminder. “Which is fine, but isolating yourself doesn’t help.”

Josie still wasn’t looking at her. “I’m not—“

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit, Jo,” Hope hissed, crossing her arms. “Trust me, I know exactly how you feel, okay? I want to help—“

“Then you should know I want to be left alone!” Josie snapped, and Hope was honestly relieved to hear the bite in her voice. 

“Yeah, well, I can’t do that!” Hope told her, aware that she was almost shouting now. 

“Why not?” Josie asked, tugging the sheets over her head. “You spent two years being the sad, lonely girl who lost her parents. I can’t even have one week?”

It was silent in the wake of her words, and then Hope moved forward, pulling the sheets from the bed.

“What the hell, Hope?!” Josie screamed, whirling around to face her, teeth bared. No veins appeared, though, as if Josie had that part of herself under lock and key.

“I’m going to let that one slide,” Hope said, raising an eyebrow. “But if you’re gonna talk to me like that, you have to be able to back it up.”

Josie frowned, her confusion dulling her anger when Hope moved to the dresser and pulled out a pair of leggings and a sports bra, throwing them at her.

“Get dressed,” she ordered, leaving no room for argument. 

“Why?” Josie asked, studying the clothes in her lap with something like apprehension.

“Because,” Hope said, smirking at her. “We’re going to spar.”

Josie opened her mouth, likely to say _not a chance in hell_ , but Hope was already out the door.

“Meet me at the docks in ten!” She called over her shoulder, smiling when she felt Josie’s glare hit the back of her head. “And don’t be late, or I’ll kick your ass!”

✵ ✵ ✵

As she stood at the docks, Josie studied the daylight ring on her finger.

The delicate silver band gleamed in the reflection of sunlight coming off the water, the deep blue stone at it’s center rounded and smooth. 

Hope had made it for her, leaving it outside her door along with the blood bags she’d been dropping off every day. Josie hadn’t seen her, not until this morning when she’d burst into her room and started ordering her around, so she hadn’t had the chance to thank her. 

Honestly, she wouldn’t know where to begin. She hadn’t thought about it until now, having spent the past three days consumed by her own grief after losing Lizzie, but the moment that Hope had fed Josie her blood had felt awfully... personal.

The rush she’d gotten from feeding on Hope, the burst of energy and desire that had filled her veins just from a _taste_ of her blood... Josie still wasn’t sure how to separate her bloodlust from her emotions. 

Hope and her had become close over the past four years, even more so than they had been when they were still students at the Salvatore School. After she’d graduated, Hope had moved back to New Orleans, and Josie had only seen her when she and Lizzie had visited for spring break. The school had felt different without her, especially since Rafael, Kaleb, and Landon had all left as well. 

But then they’d graduated, and Josie had started researching the Merge instead of applying to university. Lizzie was studying in Europe, hunting down leads whenever she had a break with her classes, and sometimes meeting up with their Mom in Vienna or Madrid or wherever she was. 

So, Josie had stayed in Mystic Falls, alone. Until Hope had decided to join her.

She still visited New Orleans, and sometimes Josie had joined her, enjoying the change of scenery and the opportunity to work with Freya and her circle of witches. They’d traced ancient Gemini bloodlines, tried to find anyone who might have knowledge on the Merge and how to prevent it, but it was mostly just dead ends.

It was honestly inevitable that Josie and Hope became closer, with all the late nights spent researching in the library or driving across the country. And yes, there’d been that part of her that had wondered if there was the possibility for something _more_ , but Josie had never let herself go there. So, she’d made herself have boundaries: it was fine if she and Hope were friends, if they sang cringey car karaoke together or if she allowed Hope to comfort her whenever their search seemed hopeless. But they always got hotel rooms with two beds (which was easy, since Hope was apparently fine with spending her family’s fortune on gas money and five-star hotels), and she kept a safe distance between them when they were bent over ancient documents and books in the library. Josie didn’t know if Hope had noticed what she was doing, and she hadn’t asked.

They’d had a good thing going, and she wasn’t about to ruin it. 

And yet, since she’d transitioned, everything had become heightened. Not just her senses, but her emotions. So, when Hope had asked her to spar with her, there was that traitorous, uncontrollable part of Josie that hadn’t been able to say no.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” Hope asked, standing across from Josie and studying the calm, silent lake in front of them. “Sun? Fresh air?”

Josie could hear the birds chirping in the trees, the wind rustling the branches. Was this how Hope felt, or was it not as loud for her?

“Yeah, it’s great,” Josie said, though the agreement sounded flat even to her. “Why am I here, Hope?”

“I told you, you needed to get out of your room,” Hope said, shrugging off her jacket to reveal a sports bra and leggings. Josie was wearing the same outfit, though she’d put a t-shirt on as well. “And I could use a sparring partner.”

It was a good excuse, but Josie knew Hope, and she saw right through it. “You don’t have to do that, you know?”

“Do what?” Hope asked, annoyingly oblivious. 

“Try and make me feel better,” Josie told her, shrugging and looking at the wooden planks beneath her feet. She didn’t want to see the pity in Hope’s gaze. “I know that you feel like you’re responsible for me, or something, but it’s fine. You don’t need to... absolve your guilt, or whatever.“

“Listen, I get the whole broody, newly-turned vampire thing, but _really_ Jo?” Josie almost flinched; Hope never really got angry with her, but this felt close. “We’ve known each other for over a decade, when are you gonna realize that I care about you?”

_We’ve known each other a decade, and every time you get a chance, you poke._

It feel like an eternity ago, when they’d been cleaning up trash in the town square and Josie had said that to Hope. Back when she and Lizzie had still been at each other’s throats, and Josie had still been on Lizzie’s side. Because where else would she be, even if she was one of the reasons they hated each other?

And... _I care about you._

She had no idea where to go with that.

“‘Cmon, you’ll feel better if you hit something,” Hope said, either ignoring or not noticing the shift in Josie’s mood. “Even if it’s me.”

Josie hesitated, wondering why she’d even agreed to do this. It wasn’t that she was afraid of hurting Hope, at least not really. Josie knew she could handle it, but she didn’t know how it would feel to unleash all of the rage and tension she’d been holding onto. She didn’t know if _she_ could handle that. 

“I don’t want to.”

“And I don’t care,” Hope said, not missing a beat. “If you keep going on like this, you’re gonna snap. Trust me.”

Josie shook her head, biting her lip as she considered Hope, the sharp lines of her back, the slight definition of the abs on her stomach. “I don’t even know how—“

Before she could finish, Hope lunged. Without thinking, Josie blocked her incoming fist with an arm, her hand grabbing Hope’s wrist before she could throw another punch. 

Hope didn’t move, even though she could have easily escaped Josie’s hold. She just raised an eyebrow, studying Josie’s stance, her hand on her wrist. Josie froze, hyper aware of her fingers against Hope’s skin, how close they were to each other. 

“See, good reflexes,” Hope noted, nodding her head, though something about the look in her eyes told Josie that she wasn’t the only one who’d noticed the sudden tension between them. 

It felt like she was playing with fire, but Josie didn’t remove her hand from Hope’s arm. She just stood there, waiting for Hope to tell her what to do. 

“Now, use my own momentum against me,” Hope told her, nodding when Josie moved her arm over her head. “Duck under my arm, there you go. Now pull, and use your leg to—“

Josie had seen Hope do this same move a thousand times, and she and her dad had spared before, so she wasn’t entirely clueless. She tugged Hope towards her, kicking her leg out from under her, and shoved her to the deck.

Hope stopped talking, silent and still as Josie hovered her, one arm pinning her to the wooden planks of the dock. Her grip wasn’t hard, and she knew there were about a dozen ways Hope could have escaped, but she didn’t. 

There was a moment where they just stared at each other. Josie was panting, her arms trembling slightly as she used them to brace herself over Hope, who wasn’t even out of breath. And yet, there was something in her gaze, as if Josie had surprised her. No, maybe surprised wasn’t the right word... it was more like she was unsettled.

Josie found that she liked it, the fact that even Hope wasn’t immune to her when they were like this, panting and close and so very _alive_. Hope had been right, Josie did feel better. It was as if every part of her was suddenly awake, waiting for Hope to move, to close the distance between them or pull away.

For a moment, Josie considered it. What it would feel like to have Hope’s lips against hers, to kiss the skin of her neck, to sink her teeth into—

Josie felt the veins rising to the surface under her eyes, the familiar ache in her jaw that meant her body wanted to feed. She jerked back, scrambling to her feet, any thought of kissing Hope vanishing as Josie turned her back on her and forced herself to breathe. 

Hope didn’t say anything, but Josie heard her get to her feet. She couldn’t even pretend she was alright, though, not when every part of her was fighting to keep her bloodlust under control.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hope asked, and Josie turned around to see her holding out a water bottle, sounding surprisingly calm considering Josie had been seconds away from tearing into her throat. 

“This isn’t working,” Josie said, refusing to take the water bottle from her. The thought of drinking anything right now made her sick.

“It will if you let it,” Hope told her, and suddenly Josie hated how patient she sounded, how understanding. She wanted Hope to scream at her, to give her an excuse to be angry. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Josie snapped, hating how good it felt to say those words, to stop holding everything back. “I said I wanted to be left alone, why can’t you just accept that?”

Hope didn’t respond, her fist raised as she lunged at Josie again. The movement was controlled though, not an act of anger, and Josie dodged it with ease.

“Seriously, Hope,” she snarled, clenching her hands into fists. “I mean it, I—“

“And you think I don’t?” Hope growled, for once sounding just as pissed as Josie felt. “I’m trying to be nice about it, Jo, but maybe you need someone to tell you how it is.”

As she talked, she moved towards Josie, who stumbled backward and gave Hope the perfect opening to wrap her arm around her chest.

Hope pulled Josie against her, and her grip wasn’t painful, but Josie knew she wasn’t getting out of it unless Hope wanted her to. “You’re not fine, Josie, and I just want to—“

“I said I’m _fine_!” Josie hissed, struggling against her hold. 

“You’re not—“

Before Hope could finish, Josie’s own   
anger surged, and where her hands touched Hope’s skin they began to glow red-hot, the heat prickling at her fingertips as she siphoned from Hope.

She’d never felt anything like it before. If siphoning before she’d become a vampire had felt good, then this... she couldn’t describe it. Every single nerve in her body became electric, and the high she got from blood seemed dull in comparison.   
  
She didn’t know how it happened. One second, Hope’s body was pressed against hers and the magic was flowing through her veins, and then Hope was flying through the air, landing on the deck with a thud.

It took Josie a second to realize that she’d done it— thrown Hope, either because she’d lost control or her subconscious telling her to let go.

She rushed over, kneeling at Hope’s side, too scared to touch her when the magic was still coursing through her veins. _More,_ it seemed to scream. She ignored it.

“Oh my god, Hope, are you okay? I didn’t mean to— I swear, I—“

She couldn’t even form a coherent sentence, but it didn’t matter, because she realized that Hope wasn’t just fine, she was _laughing_.

Josie sprang to her feet, stalking away from Hope, shaking her head when she smiled at her and said, “Oh, Jo, it’s okay. I’m fine. Look!”

“That’s not the point,” Josie snarled, turning to face her, ignoring Hope’s shocked expression at the panic she knew was on her face. “I could have hurt you!”  
  
“But you didn’t, Jo,” she said, her amusement softening into understanding. “And even if you had, I heal fast.”

It was true, and Hope looked fine, but that wasn’t the _point_. 

Josie sighed, shaking her head as she ran her fingers through her hair. “I just— I feel like I’m vibrating on this super-high frequency,” she confessed, the block on her emotions fading in the wake of her rage and panic. “I’m on edge, I can’t sleep. I can barely eat. It’s like my body is asking for something, but I don’t know what—“

“Josie, have you been siphoning?”

“What?” Josie said, taken aback by Hope’s question.

“When’s the last time you siphoned?” Hope asked, her eyes wide, as if she was starting to understand something. 

“Uh, just now, I guess,” Josie said, frowning at her.

Hope sighed, and her smile was almost fond as she said, “You’re not just a vampire, Jo. You may need to feed on blood to survive, but you have to take care of the other parts of yourself too.”

Josie hesitated, though she knew Hope was right. Even before she’d been a vampire, she had to siphon to keep her magic satisfied, but she also had to make sure she wasn’t overloading herself. It was a delicate balance, and she knew it would be even harder to control that urge to harvest as much magic as she could now. 

“Here,” Hope said, walking closer to Josie with her arm outstretched. “Siphon from me.”

It took Josie a second to understand what she meant, but when she did, she shook her head and stepped back. “No, I can’t, I could hurt you.”

Hope smiled, tilting her head to the side at Josie’s refusal. “I can take it. Trust me, Jo. I have more magic than I know what to do with. You can help me take the edge off.”

Josie knew Hope was just trying to make her feel better, but she couldn’t help herself. She _wanted_ to.

Before she could change her mind, Josie placed a hand on Hope’s arm, forcing herself to drain the magic from her as slowly as she could manage. She and Lizzie had learned how to make siphoning from someone painless, but those lessons seemed far away when the magic took hold of her.

It was just as intoxicating as before, but this felt more controlled, probably because Hope had offered of her own free will. So Josie took and took, and she felt herself relax as the magic filled her veins.

Hope never told her to stop, but eventually Josie forced herself to, pulling her hand back and opening her eyes to see Hope staring at her, her blue eyes sparkling with some emotion Josie couldn’t quite place.

“Better?” She asked, giving Josie a quick once over of her own. 

Josie didn’t know if she looked like it, but she definitely _felt_ better. That itch in her veins, which she’d presumed was from a desire for blood, was gone. She had never considered her magic might be the problem, but Hope had experience in balancing both sides of her supernatural nature. 

“Yeah,” Josie said, nodding as she rolled her shoulders, the tension in her muscles fading. “Thanks.”

“Good,” Hope said, the emotion leaving her eyes, and then she was all business. “Get dressed and meet me in the parking lot in ten.”

“Why?” Josie asked, not even bothering to argue as she took the water bottle Hope offered her. 

“Like I said, I’m breaking you out,” Hope said, that wicked smirk returning, though Josie found herself without the desire to refuse this time. 

“Where are we going?” 

Hope grinned at her, and Josie almost changed her mind about going along with whatever plan she was concocting. “How do you feel about milkshakes?”

✵ ✵ ✵

When they arrived at the Mystic Grill, Josie‘s hand was already on the gear shift, ready to turn back to the school. 

Hope’s car, a sleek black BMW, was still in New Orleans, so they’d taken Damon Salvatore’s 1969 Chevy Camaro instead, which he’d given the twins on their sixteenth birthday. The car had always been more _Lizzie’s_ , so Josie hadn’t felt entirely comfortable driving it, but Hope had insisted.

When she realized what their destination was, however, Josie immediately regretted agreeing to come.

Hope must have sensed her apprehension, but before she could start convincing her, Josie said, “No, no way, not a chance in hell.”

“Oh, come on,” Hope said, rolling her eyes. “It’ll be fun. You’ll see.”

Josie thought of the noise, the dozens of humans with fresh blood pumping through their veins, and knew her going into the Mystic Grill would be far from fun. “Me tearing out someone’s trachea is not my idea of _fun_ , Hope.”

Hope sighed, though Josie could tell she’d been expecting this. “The only way you’re going to learn control is by exposing yourself to situations where you’re well... without it.”

Josie shook her head, trying to contain her panic. If Hope thought she could do this, she was insane. 

“Hey, Jo, look at me,” Hope said, grabbing Josie’s wrist and turning her towards her. “Trust me, okay? I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t think you could handle it. Besides, don’t you want to have a little fun?”

Maybe it was the vulnerable, open expression on Hope’s face, or her hand on her wrist, or the fact that ever since Josie had siphoned from her she’d felt more at ease. Maybe it was that she was asking Josie to trust her, and she realized that she did. More than anyone, really.

Josie didn’t know what made her do it, but she said yes. 

✵ ✵ ✵

An hour after they’d entered the restaurant, Josie was surprised to find that Hope had been right: she _was_ having fun.

They’d ordered milkshakes, plus burgers and fries, and Josie found that she was able to keep the food down more so than she had in days. They kept the conversation easy, light— no mention of merges or dead sisters. They reminisced about their days spent driving across the country, eating shitty gas station food and the one time Hope’s phone died and the only thing they’d had to listen to was the audiobook for _The Notebook_ Josie had downloaded on her phone. Hope told her about how Nik was starting kindergarten, about her last visit to New Orleans, the time she’d walked in on Marcel and Rebekah having sex and tried to burn her eyes out afterwards. And Josie found herself genuinely laughing for the first time in weeks, and she had to admit, it felt nice.

Maybe it was just how familiar the interaction felt, how comfortable she was with Hope, or maybe it was that her siphoning during their training session had taken the edge off and finally let her relax. Josie managed to tune the sounds of the grill out, though she still flinched when someone laughed too loud or a server dropped a plate. Hope pretended not to notice, and she was grateful for it. She wasn’t even tempted to feed on anyone, which was a relief. 

Until they finished their food, and Hope said, “Okay, don’t freak out, but this wasn’t the only reason I brought you here.”

Josie was immediately on edge, ready to flee. She didn’t like the look on Hope’s face.

“I know that you’re nervous about feeding on humans, but if you just let me help you—“

“No,” Josie said, shaking her head, tearing at the napkin in her hands. “No way. I’m not doing that.”

“Josie, listen to me,” Hope said, reaching to take the shredded napkin from her. “I know it’s scary, okay? But the only way you’re going to learn to control the blood lust is if you know what it feels like. Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

“Was my Dad on board with this?” Josie asked, because she knew what the answer would be.

Hope hesitated, though she didn’t waver. “Why do you think I used the term “breaking you out”? But that’s not the point— he may be your dad, but this is your choice, Josie. Not his. Not mine. Yours. And if you really don’t want to, we can leave, no questions asked.”

Josie trusted Hope enough to consider it, to forced herself to not immediately rebuke the idea. Yes, she was terrified, but she also thought Hope was right. If she didn’t know what to expect, then there was no way she’d be able to control herself. At least in this situation, Hope would be there to stop her before she hurt somebody. 

“Okay,” she said, sighing as she looked at Hope’s relieved expression. “Fine. How do we do this?”

Hope shrugged, gesturing to the people surrounding them. “Pick your meal.”

Despite how wrong it felt, Josie studied her options. Suburban mom with two kids (no), an old woman eating lunch alone (also no), and a rowdy table of Mystic Falls High Schoolers.

“There,” murmured Hope, and Josie almost jumped when she realized how close her lips were to her ear. “That one, heading towards the bathroom.”

She was right. One of the boys had left his friends, and just disappeared into the stalls. Josie knew it made sense, that it would theoretically be easy, _instinctual_ , but...

“I can’t,” she gasped, shaking her head, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood. “I can’t do it.”

Hope sighed, but she didn’t look surprised. Instead, she grabbed Josie’s arm and tugged her towards the bathrooms. Josie was about to protest, but then Hope bypassed the door the boy had gone into and shoved Josie into the girls bathroom and locked the door behind them. 

She turned, confused, and then she saw Hope rolling up the sleeve of her shirt.

“Here,” she said, nodding at Josie, as if she was just offering her a bag of chips from a vending machine. “Drink up.”  
  
“What are you doing?” Josie hissed, backing away even as the veins beneath her eyes started to appear, the scent of Hope’s blood filling the air.

“Giving you what you need,” Hope told her, sighing when her skin began to knit back together. “‘Cmon, Jo, we don’t have all day. Supernatural healing and all.”

Josie hesitated, but it felt almost futile to resist at this point. She wanted it, had been thinking about the taste of Hope’s blood since the night she’d transitioned. And what was the harm? Hope would heal, she’d be in no danger of hurting her.

So, Josie bared her teeth, giving into the bloodlust, and sunk her fangs into Hope’s wrist.

✵ ✵ ✵

When they returned to the school, not that she would admit it to Hope, but Josie felt... better.

The blood and the siphoning had sated her, yes, managed to take the edge off. She didn’t know how long they’d stood in the bathroom of the Mystic Grill, Hope‘s grip on her waist keeping her steady as she drank from her. She understood now, why blood sharing was considered... personal. It had tasted incredible— more than Josie wanted to admit, and she had wondered if all human blood tasted the same, or if Hope’s was different. It had _tasted_ different, and was certainly better than the stale blood bags she’d been drinking.

But it wasn’t just the blood, she’d realized. It was the fact that she’d left the school and gone out for lunch, and there’d been a moment, laughing with Hope over milkshakes and fries, where she’d forgotten that she was well... dead.

It hadn’t taken away the pain of losing Lizzie, not that anything ever would. Josie knew she would always feel like she was living life for two. Literally, considering whatever traits she’d inherited from Lizzie during the Merge. 

But today had been good. And she knew she had Hope to thank.

Josie opened her mouth to do just that, when her dad came storming into the foyer, looking at Josie as if she’d committed a federal offense.

“Where the _hell_ have you been?”

Josie searched for an answer to calm his rage, but Hope beat her to it.

“We got milkshakes,” she said, shrugging, picking at her nails, a gesture Josie knew would get on her dad’s nerves.

However, she wasn’t prepared for his response.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Hope,” he snarled, the sound almost feral. “This is none of your business. I told you to let _me_ handle it, how could you—“

“Dad,” Josie hissed, her face burning in embarrassment. “Don’t talk to her like that!”

“Josie, stay out of this—“

“No,” she snapped, crossing her arms, hoping she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. Standing up to their dad was Lizzie’s thing, not hers. “This isn’t Hope’s fault. It was my decision to leave the school, just like it was my decision to become a vampire. So, if you need to be mad at someone, be mad at me.”

The hallway was silent after that, and Josie took a deep breath, having surprised even herself with her outburst.

Hope was staring at her, eyes wide, but Josie saw the edges of her lips curl upwards, as if she was trying not to smile.

Her dad, however, looked like a fish out of water. He stood there, mouth opening and closing, until he eventually sighed and shook his head. “Look, I’m just worried, alright?” He said, though Josie noticed that he didn’t address anything she’d said. “Jed was attacked last night, during the full moon.”

“What?” Hope snapped, suddenly on high alert. “When? Is he okay? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Alaric looked as if he wanted to make a snide comment, but he glanced at Josie and seemed to change his mind. “I just heard. He’s fine, but he can’t remember anything that happened. He woke up on the forest floor with a headache and no idea who’d attacked him.”

“I was safe,” Josie assured him, deciding now was not the time to bring up her drinking Hope’s blood. “I was with Hope the entire time.”

“That’s not all,” Alaric said, his expression grim. “Whoever attacked Jed, they were after one thing. Werewolf venom. And you know what that means.”

Josie frowned, confused, but Hope finished for him.

“It means,” she said, and Josie was surprised to see the inklings of dread on her face. “That we have a new vampire hunter in Mystic Falls.”

✵ ✵ ✵

It was after midnight, but Josie couldn’t sleep. 

Tomorrow was Lizzie’s funeral, the preparations having been made while she was holed up in her room, and she had no idea how she was supposed to feel.

She was alive, and her sister wasn’t.

There was no escaping that fact.

For some reason, Josie had gone to Hope’s room, knowing she was often awake painting or astral projecting with one of her aunts or uncles, but when she got there the room was empty. 

She’d checked the kitchen, and the library, but there was no sign of her, so she knew there was only one other option.

Hope sometimes turned with the other wolves on the full moon, or ran by herself, but she obviously hadn’t the night of the Merge. She’d likely gone to blow off some steam.

So, Josie had grabbed a change of clothes and made a ham and cheese sandwich, and headed into the woods.

She’d waited at the Mill, wondering how the hell she was supposed to find Hope, when a white wolf appeared.

Josie had seen Hope in her wolf form before, obviously. A few times when they were younger, but more recently when they’d traveled on the road searching for Merge answers. It was how she’d known to grab the sandwich, and the extra clothes. Hope rarely bothered to salvage the shredded fabric she left behind, and she was always hungry after she shifted.

The wolf studied Josie, it’s gaze more intelligent than any animal should be, and she found that she was almost nervous.

Not that it would hurt her, but the way Hope was looking at her was... unsettling. As if she could see beneath Josie’s skin to the bones and heart beneath.

The wolf— Hope— cocked it’s head to the side, as if to say, _what are you waiting for?_

“Oh, right,” she stammered, tossing the pile of clothes onto the ground, entirely aware that she was talking to a wolf. And that she probably looked crazy.

Josie turned around, hoping the lack of light would hide the fact that she was blushing as she heard the sound of bones popping and then shredding, followed by clothes against skin.

She knew the whole nudity part of a wolf’s transformation was normal— she’d taken supernatural health class just like everyone else— but it still felt... intimate, to be in moments like this with Hope. She always felt as if she was doing something wrong, or illegal. Maybe it was because she’d known her dad wouldn’t like her being around a wolf in transition, even if it was Hope.

“Jo, you can look now.”

Josie jumped when she heard Hope’s voice, and ignored how amused she sounded. As if she knew exactly what Josie was thinking.

Josie turned, and saw Hope standing in the clearing, wearing the jean shorts, tank top, and leather jacket Josie had taken from her room. 

_Maybe I should have chosen different clothes._

The thought was automatic when she saw how much of Hope’s skin was exposed. Not that she seemed to mind, smirking at Josie and gesturing towards the sandwich in her hand, her eyes sparkling like they always did after she turned. “That for me?”

Josie nodded, wondering why speaking suddenly seemed difficult, and tossed the sandwich to Hope as she sat down on the wooden steps of the Mill.

Hope ripped open the plastic, downing the sandwich in three bites that weren’t entirely human-like. After, she moved to sit beside Josie, still humming with supernatural energy. Hope’s skin was flushed and glowing in the moonlight, her eyes sometimes flashing gold, as if she hadn’t quite tamed the wolf side of her. Her hair was wild, the curls untamed for once, and Josie wondered how many people saw her like this, without all of the guards she normally put up.

She knew the answer was few to none. Besides her family, Josie had the slight realization that she was one of the only people who knew the real Hope. She tried not to let it mean anything, even though she suddenly just wanted to touch her, to see if she could bring back that wild look in her eyes.

Josie could feel it— the magic. It was right there, falling from her in waves. Hope was right, she was overloaded. It was easier now, for Josie to understand how Hope said she got restless. Josie had been a heretic for four days, Hope had been balancing the different sides of her supernatural nature her entire life.

“So,” Hope said, raising an eyebrow, wiping a bread crumb from her cheek. “What’s up?”

Josie still struggled with this Hope sometimes, the one who seemed content to just be with her, who wasn’t constantly moving and talking and saving everyone else’s asses. 

“Oh,” she said, looking at the ground beneath her mud-stained sneakers. “I just wanted to apologize. For earlier, with my Dad. He had no right to say any of that to you.”

It wasn’t really why she’d come, but Josie owed Hope an apology either way, especially after everything she’d done for her. And not just today. The past few years... Josie didn’t know anyone who’d been there for her like Hope had.

“It’s not your fault,” Hope said, shrugging, though Josie saw her shoulders tense. It was mannerisms like that, as if Hope had forgotten she didn’t have hackles like her wolf, that Josie had come to notice, look out for. And maybe find slightly endearing, if she was being honest. 

But Hope didn’t say it was alright. Josie had noticed that, too. That Hope had stopped apologizing as much as she used to, had started to admit when something was bothering her. Josie wished she would do it more. 

“It is, though,” Josie insisted, biting her lip. “He blames you, for me becoming a vampire. You don’t have to answer, I know it’s true.”

Hope opened her mouth, probably to deny it, but then she just sighed and didn’t say anything.

“Thank you, by the way,” Josie said, the words rushing from her, even though she hadn’t really meant to say anything. “For your help with... everything.”

It was probably the worst thank you speech Hope had ever heard, but she still smiled at Josie. “Don’t worry about it, Jo. What are friends for?”

Friends. Right. 

“Listen, I know what day it is tomorrow,” Hope added, biting her lip, looking uncharacteristically nervous. “If you want to talk—“

Josie shook her head, looking at the star-filled sky above her. “Can we just sit here for a while?” 

Hope blinked once, but that was the only sign of surprise she showed at Josie’s request. “Of course,” she said, following Josie’s gaze towards the sky. 

And if Josie hadn’t been listening, she might have missed it when Hope whispered, “Whatever you need.”


End file.
